Air

I went to a fantastic talk last night by Karen Kimsey-House, one of the co-founders of the Coaches Training Institute. I have done the fundamentals course of the CTI model, and have had two coaches who have been CTI trained.

It’s a coaching style I like.
It’s one of the reasons I left my job and started on this whole journey over the past year.
But what became clear to me last night was that it is based on a philosophy and a person I reallly like.

Karen was personable and  inspirational and down-to-earth.
Her talk was *real*. It wasn’t about selling a dream or an idea or a business.
It was about how some small things can have a huge impact.

She talked about how life is all about relationships – relationships with yourself, with other people and with the world. The  acronym she used was AIR

Authenticity
Intimacy
Responsibility

It was a talk that I just soaked up and took into my soul. But the following are a few points that really stood out for me.

•  Be totally true to yourself – who you are here and now, not who you want to be, or who you think you should be, or who you think others want you to be.
• Learn to live totally in the moment with yourself.
• Have a relationship with the person in front of you. This means communicate with the person that is there, not the person you want them to be, or you wish they were.
• When you are communicating totally in the moment, you are being who you are, communicating and being intimate with the person that has shown up in front of you at that moment.
• A simple response can have a huge impact. You can take responsibility to change things. You can take responsibility to be yourself and to have an impact on others.
• People want to connect and to know they have made a difference in the world.
• Believe in the human spirit – the capacity of humans to imagine and dream and transform.

Breathe in the air and all is well.

Inspired

Over the past three days I have been assisting on the coaching course that I did back in March last year. It was such a great experience to be a part of it again, and to really cement the knowledge and skills that they teach, and also to realise how much I have grown and developed since I did that course about 18 months ago.

I felt in touch with who I was.
I become grounded and full of wonderful energy.
I felt inspired.
I felt connection.
I felt humbled by how much people are willing to give of themselves, and also how much there is to learn about life and others in a lifetime.
I realised that I do want to do the next stage of the training, and money shouldn’t be the thing that puts me off.

Autumnal days

My joy of everyday life continues. And they are all simple joys.

The weather has turned autumnal and with it a change in attitude and a change of routine. No longer do I feel I need to be outside and doing things. I am now happy to come home, cook dinner, do some chores and go to bed and read a book. I think this relaxed life suits me. How long can I keep it up for?

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A lot has been happening in my world, and in my head. But I am I not sure I am ready to write them all in detail here. So here is a brief dump:

* After such a great holiday I am keen to make our often talked about 6-month trip in a campervan a reality. Why not experience life as much as we can? And what better way to learn to live in the moment than deciding your destiny each and every day.

* As I have mentioned here before my manager is keen to extend my contract. My negotiation power seems very high as they really want to keep me it seems. So I am thinking of going part-time, and using the rest of my time to really explore what I want to do. To study. To do volunteer work. To make my dreams a reality.

* A friend at work found a small advert in the paper the other day that she clipped out for me. Travel Writing Workshop. Learn how to write and sell travel features.

* For those who know me well (which I am pretty sure is everyone who reads this blog!) I often talk about the two sides of me – the hippie Robyn and the corporate Robyn. Well during my coaching session this week I got to explore those two sides of me a bit more. What are their strengths, their weaknesses, their fears, their gifts? What do they think of each other – what are their judgements? It was such an interesting session and once again another real insight into me. Now the big trick is to make them one person – to be the strengths of both of them, and make the most of all the gifts they give me as a person.
I also mentioned excentric Robyn, but she doesn’t come out to play too much!

* I love our new camera. It takes fabulous photos and is heaps of fun to play around with. Andrew was the one who took most of the photos while we were in Greece, but I am keen to play more, and see what happens.

Money, it’s a crime*

I had a great coaching session today. Actually I have a great coaching session every time. But today was really interesting to me. We started talking about organisations and work again, but ended up actually focusing on money, and my relationship with it.

And what I find so fascinating is that it actually had quite an emotional reaction for me. Not talking about money, but actually thinking about how my relationship with money is related to other things in my life.

I have always been good with money. It is a skill that my parents taught me from a very young age, and it is one I am really proud of. Everything that I have is due to my work and my saving and my hard earned cash. I haven’t been given cash by my parents or by my grandparents. I am fortunate to part own two properties, and my parents have helped by owning the other part, but the cash I put in is mine (or now mine and Andrews).  My clothes, my “toys”, my holidays, my lifestyle – all down to me!

And I never really thought of how important that is to me. It allows me to say – I am a strong independent woman. I can stand on my own two feet. I can do what I want because I am responsible for my destiny and I have the brain and the money to achieve what I want.
But what it also says, and I hadn’t realised quite so much, is that I don’t want to be dependent. I don’t like others to look after me. As I have said I hate being sick because I can’t do what I want! I become dependent when sick and I realise that that actually scares me.

So that is all quite a realisation for me. With that realisation comes a real opportunity – to look at myself in a different light. To ask myself what is so wrong with others looking after me? Is being vulnerable such a crime? How can I be the strong independent woman I am, but actually allow myself to be seen by others as needing help, and actually asking for it?

So I go away on my lovely summer holiday tomorrow with a real sense of calm and happiness. I am looking forward to swimming and lying in the sun and seeing old things and reading books and eating Greek yoghurt and lamb koftas and just relaxing and pondering all the amazing realisations from the past 2 months of coaching.

* Back to the song lyrics! Pink Floyd – showing my age!

The fire within me

At my coaching session yesterday we explored what we have termed “the fire within me”. The time and energy that I give to myself to regenerate myself, rather than giving of my energy and time to others.

(Yes, it is all very hippie, but I am slowly coming to realise that I am turning into my hippie mother! Hi mum!)

My coach made me commit to spending 30 minutes a day on me, for me and to get my energy reignited. I tried to counter-offer and just do it for 15 minutes a day, but she would have none of that! It’s funny, because 30 minutes in a day isn’t a lot. But I don’t allow myself that time to spend just on me. I may read, or look up stuff on the computer, or catch up on TV on BBC-iplayer or stalk people on the internet via Facebook and their blogs (did I just say that?!) and although that is doing what I enjoy, it doesn’t actually mean I am thinking about myself.

This morning I woke up feeling quite light headed and felt like my head was in a bit of a bubble all day. So I left work early, and was asleep by about 4pm! I woke up at about 6:30pm.

So after writing in my journal (yes, I have a paper-based journal as well as this open to the big wide world electronic one) I did some “meditation”. I use the quote marks because I am not really sure what meditation really is! But I did some yoga breathing and spent time just focusing on my breathing and thinking about re-energising my body.

And although I still feel a bit like my head is in a bubble, I feel a bit more energy within me. Perhaps the fire within me was ignited just a little bit. The kindling and the paper caught fire for a brief moment. Perhaps if I take the time to light this fire each and every day, it will build to an inferno. We shall see…

Motormouth no more?

I had another great session with my coach this morning.
We really looked at what it was like to be in that place where I feel big, and energised and fulfilled and calm. And I managed to spend most of our session there, enjoying the feeling.

I was much more aware of my surroundings. My brain just didn’t feature and any doubt or worry about whether I am making the “right” decision just wasn’t there. My heart was definitely the one “talking”. My voice calmed down. My breathing calmed down. I was just there. Just “being”.

We discussed the difference between how I am when in that space compared to when I talk about being in that space. When I am there I am slow and calm and relaxed. When I talk about it I get excited, and my speech quickens and I become animated.

Does this mean that if I allow myself to be in that space, that my motormouth days are over?

We shall see…..

Life is good

I am sitting outside in our courtyard, drinking fresh mint tea (with mint from our garden!) and working my way through the weekend magazines that I always never have time to read, but don’t want to throw away because I know they have great articles in them.

A load of washing is on.

The dining room table has been cleared of all the unopened and half-opened mail that has been sitting there for a week.

There is a jug of water with lemon and mint in the fridge, ready to cool me off once I get into the garden and start pulling out weeds and have a general clean up.

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London has been in a “heatwave” this past week. Yes, it has been over 30C and pretty hot and sticky (especially when travelling on the tube), but I refuse to complain! It is so lovely to just wear a top and skirt and not need to worry about jackets or cardigans. We headed down to our local for dinner last night about about 9pm (we had a quick nap when we came home from work/gym!) and could walk in the lovely evening with no extra clothing required.

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I seem to be getting a good balance of “life” at the moment.

Social times, enough sleep, good food, a little indulgence, exercise, relaxing, contemplation and conversation.

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I had a great coaching session this week. We talked more about how I want to “be” and how this is actually what is important to me in life. My “being” is my purpose. Not a goal or a thing.

Through my “being” I want to help others. Model behaviours. Help others succeed. Allow people to lead full and satisfying lives and helping them be the best they can be.

The more I can “be” myself, the more I can hopefully be a positive influence on other people and their lives.

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Andrew and I are so fortunate to live the life we live. We are both in good paid employment. It means we get to eat out and enjoy yummy food. We can plan for trips around Europe and around the world. We can dream a little, and actually make those dreams come true.

Gotta find my purpose, Gotta find me

Purpose.
It’s that little flame
That lights a fire
Under your @rse.

Purpose.
It keeps you going strong
Like a car with a full
Tank of gas.

Everyone else has a purpose,
So what’s mine?

I don’t know how I know,
But I’m gonna find my purpose.
I don’t know where I’m gonna look,
But I’m gonna find my purpose.

Gotta find out.
Don’t wanna wait.
Got to make sure that my life will be great.
Gotta find my purpose.
Before it’s too late.

(Gotta love Avenue Q!!)

Today I had my first coaching session. I was hoping for a blast of bright light, and invigoration and clarity. I didn’t get it but I came away with a warmth and a sense of knowing. Believe and it will happen.

My purpose will come to me. Trust. Know. Believe.

Naval Gazing

Today I received the information from my coach ready for my first coaching session next Wednesday. I am very excited by the thought of getting coaching. I am ready for an injection of energy and enthusiasm and direction. But I am also excited by filling in the forms – so much naval gazing to be done – and I have been told to do it! 🙂